so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found your dick twin last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
40s are totally the cure
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
