You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
