I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
