I think I died a long time ago.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
