I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
