woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize