New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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