his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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