I bet he comes in French.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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