addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
