just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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