so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
