She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
