I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
