Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
