I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
