a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
