Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
