so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
