The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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