that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
