why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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