hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
