I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
