sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
