my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
