.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize