This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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