After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize