your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
