Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
