Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
