After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize