so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
