One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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