I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
