sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
