broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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