Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
