I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize