you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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