i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
