im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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