i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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