I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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