never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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