she woke up with a sticky ear
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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