I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
