my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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