Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
