You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
