i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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