Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
