I showed him my bush... on skype.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
