Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
