gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
