I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
