i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
