you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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