I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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