how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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