Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
