She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
