Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
