what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
