walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
