I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
