New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
