Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You need a sexual gate keeper
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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