Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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