meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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