Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
