question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
